i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
