I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.