So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?