I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
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We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?