That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So squirting runs in the family.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.