Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
