Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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