His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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