I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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