I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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