well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize
