ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
