Umm I'm too high to move.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
