3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
time to smoke my breakfast
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
