I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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