New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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