you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize