he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
