I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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