well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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