The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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