i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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