I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
