Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
