My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
