I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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