Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
