I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
