i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
