i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize