I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
