I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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