I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
