literally had 100 drinks last night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
