I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
