you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
