She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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