try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
even my farts smell like vagina
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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