..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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