I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
