I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize