thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
