Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
