your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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