There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
