Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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