Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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