How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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