you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
