my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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