Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize