I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
