Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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