well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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