I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
