The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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