He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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