HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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