he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
