I wish my penis had an off switch
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
