No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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