it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
