watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His nipple licking is glorious
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