Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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