omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
